Chapter 5: New Year Resolutions, 7lbs down, Focus T25-Beta, lost INCHES?

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!! 

Welcome 2015...where New Year Resolutions are made!!!

I decided  to update since it has been a while since my last post in this section of my blog (December 3rd wow...full month). So what's my progress?!!!

So Far I've LOST 7LBS (OMG!!!).

I've lost a total of 9" OVERALL or 1.5" each area (ex. waist, hips etc)

Though for some people, that may be nothing but for me, seeing that number on the scale after not seeing it for AWHILE (or more like seeing the number increase -_-) its a good accomplishment! I'm trying to lose about 60-80lbs so 7lbs is indeed progress. It also shows that what I'm doing currently  is working!

How Have I Lost Weight So Far?

1. Diet or Lifestyle:

Brown Rice, Mixed Vegetables, Egg with Black Pepper/Salt and Roasted Chicken

• So I personally HATE diets. I think diets are pretty useless since your not going to be on a diet forever right? I want to make this a LIFESTYLE change. Ive noticed some people going on diets where they eat REALLY healthy and yes, the weight drops fast which of course I would love to happen to me too. However, once u end this diet and go back to the OLD food you use to eat, sadly that weight will ALL return and more.
• Therefore, Ive been trying my best to have more healthier meal choices. I still personally struggle when I go outside with friends (which I'll talk about later) but when I'm home, I have improved in eating much better food.  
• Another thing is WATER. I drink LOTS of water!!!! About 10-12 glasses or MORE! Lowest I drink is about 7-9 (thats ONLY if I go outside and dont bring a water bottle). 
• TRACK WHAT YOU EAT!!!!
• I never liked tracking my food online or on my phone since I'll either forget or it just doesn't happen! Now I track everything I eat, drink and my workouts in a book! I started on Dec.8th and I've kept using it (like a weight loss bible now)! I write down everything I do and really helps on those days where I'm starving and dont know why?

2. Workouts/Routine?

Example of what I aim for at the Gym

•  Some people have been asking me what I do at the gym or how have I been losing weight? I go to GoodLife Fitness about 2-4 times a week currently as well as do Focus T25. 
• GoodLife Fitness Gym
• I go to Goodlife normally on Mondays, Tuesdays, and the other 2 days are pretty random. It all depends on how I feel and if  I think I need to do another workout. I normally focus on Cardio especially Treadmill. I now started focusing on weights to get toned and lose fat/replace it with muscle 
• ZUMBA (Mondays):  
• I LOVE ZUMBA! People who say Zumba doesn't burn calories is LYING or dont know what they're talking about!!!!! I dont even reach the best of my ability (still learning) with the moves/steps and I burn on average 450-500 calories within the hour. The best part is, I'M HAVING FUN! I burn more when I go on stage to dance in front of the class since I work harder (everyone watching you >.<). Class #4 is on Monday. 
• Focus T25: 
• I started with Beta Phase of T25 because I was bored with Alpha. I have tried alpha 3 times (completed it once fully) and was just bored since I knew the moves already!. However Beta is TOTALLY DIFFERENT!! Now THIS is what you call a workout! Its so much more intense, fast pace and all those moves you learned in Alpha MAKE SENSE! With this/combined with my gym workouts have contributed to my weight loss. It in-cooperates weights and cardio so I get some weight training within the week. Today I finished Day 17. Did I mention its only 25 MINUTES >:D
• BTW I currently have ONLY been doing the modified version of all the videos. Therefore, Next month I will be REDOING Beta Phase but with little to NO modifications. 

• How many Days I workout on average: 
• With Home workouts and Gym workouts combined I work out probably 5-6 days a week. In December, I worked out 22/31 days of the month (which was due to the holidays and I was kinda lazy =D)

3. Do I have Any Goals I Want to Achieve?

• OF COURSE!!!! Everyone always has new goals to achieve when its the New Year. However, I have stopped with the whole New Year = New Me Nonsense. Compared to other years, I have been working out before the new year and am expecting to continue working out and trying to make it a habit even a lifestyle!
• I wrote down a list of rewards I will treat myself too once I lose a # of lbs. Though personally, I HATE THE SCALE with a Passion due to a number of reasons but I will SADLY use it for a while? I will probably use it till I reach 10lbs lost and than will check either monthly or whenever I feel like :D! One main reason for me is that due to my body type. I weigh ALOT heavier on the scale and when I lose weight (inches) it seems the scale increases -_-. So I will not be dependent on it. Also, A NUMBER DOES NOT DEFINE YOU!!!! 

• I have some plans in August with my best friend and REALLY want to look Goood like SEXYYYYY GOOD for it. Therefore, my currently goal is to lose enough weight by August 2015. Therefore I have about 8 months!!!

That is what I've been doing so far. When I went to Zumba last week, my friend told me I looked like I lost weight. I think it may be cause I was wearing black pants but I do feel I have lost a little bit on my thighs. Regardless, I'm going to keep pushing. I will make another update probably by the end of the month since I will be done Beta Phase of Focus T25.

I took new before pictures when I was at the gym last week with my friend so I will post an update in a month or two when I see better progress or results.

The remaining of my goals will be kept to myself for now. I have removed many people from my Facebook since I didn't want many people knowing my plans or personal life. Now the people remaining are people I talk to daily or inspire me. I also becoming a "fitness hermit" and reducing my hangouts since that of course will lead to junk food and I want to stay on course this year!!!!

Another way to remind myself of my results and goals are STICKY NOTES! Love putting them all over my computer, so whenever I come on to play videogames etc its another reminder to get off my ass and workout =3

Measurements, Goal Sizes, Due dates etc

Thanks for Reading and hoped this helps some of you achieve your goals!!! Be Strong!! <3 ~

Till Next Time...

Yumoyori <3~

Chapter 4: December Goals, Zumba, One Month to 2015

December is here and so is my GYM membership! I registered for GoodLife Fitness in November with my workplace (I get really good discount so instead of paying $60/month, I pay $29) and it started December 1st.

Me and the bestie, Anissa, went to go workout but they apparently, couldn't find me on the system. So, we had to wait for one of the fitness advisors to come check the computer to try and locate my name. Thankfully, I had not deleted the confirmation of payment email I got as well as the corporate welcome package PDF. That was enough evidence to prove I paid. Instead of sending us home, they let us in for FREE (Anissa pass is only for one location, so I was suppose to pay $5 bucks but that never happened) and informed me if they cant find me still, they will give me a pass till it shows up on their system (Wow, so nice).

Finch station location is the closest one to me (10 minute bus/5 minute car) so I wanted to go there and see where everything was located especially the Zumba room. After changing, we clearly found the zumba room from all the loud music. We ended up joining in; talk about FUN! After that we did stair master, treadmill, and some squats! My friend is evil when it comes to the gym, she like my personal trainer who isn't paid. I really had to push myself but it was a good overall workout. Whenever, my heart rate would go to 160+ Anissa would tell me to slow down, esp on the treadmill. I suck at running long distance, but interval training is a start!

In terms of goals for December, I of course want to get some results, but want to be more dedicated to my workouts and eating habits. My friend Lina, got me this cool book called "Cinch" and it centres on stopping cravings and lose weight etc. So, Im gonna look into it and see how I can implement it. Now that I have a gym membership with a gym that has locations on every subway stop, I can't use many excuses anymore. Going to still combine my home workouts but go to the gym as well.

I LOVE these Shoes...

Overall goal is to workout 4-5 times a week using home workouts, weights, gym cardio and Zumba classes. For food, Im going to make a eating schedule and continue my preps.

New Year is approaching with that obviously "new goals new me" status. I just want to continue this goal and show improvement now, than waiting till 2015 comes around and hop on the "New Year Resolution Train"

Guess will wait and see. Had an awesome week so far, going to the gym with the bestie and by myself in the morning (which is rare for me). 2-3 more workouts this week =3

Till Next Time...

Yumoyori <3~

Chapter 3: 2lbs LOST, Focus T25 Alpha, Shaun T Crazy

Today marks Week 2, Day 4 of Focus T25 (W2D4) and I've lost 2lbs so far!

2lbs isn't ALOT, I have to admit (could honestly just be water weight), but I think its good progress. Im not to focused on my weight atm because it wont be AS accurate as it could be for many reasons.

I do night shifts 4-5 times per week, so its almost impossible for me to weight myself the same time since the days I have night shift, I have to switch my whole schedule opposite (day time=sleeping, night time= food, workout etc). I clearly understand that this CAN hinder my weight loss just a bit since I'm confusing my body, especially on my days off when I go back to my Day-Food/workout and Nights- Sleeping pattern. Regardless,  I wont let it hinder me at this point. As stated, Im not AS concerned with my weight, my focus is on how my measurements or the feel of my clothes so I'll weight myself in December 1st since I start the gym that day.

I got myself the Polar FT4 Heart Monitor Watch (well do a review later). I realized I haven't been pushing myself to the best of my body capabilities. In my double workout when I got my watch, I did an about an hour workout and ONLY burned about 180/workout. Doing a double workout, and adding squats/dumb bell lifts with 5lb weights, I burned 405 calories. This is pretty low for me. When I use to do Insanity, where I lost 33lbs, I would burn about 500-650 within 1 hour of workouts. With Cardio portion of T25, many individuals usually reach 200+ but for me to only reach 180, was kinda disappointed.

So, I analyzed what I was currently doing. With T25 there is the main workout moves and there is a modified version. Jumps are still pretty hard for me due to my weight and such (which honestly sometimes I use that as an excuse) so I usually do the modified moves for all these workouts for the first week of T25. However, regardless of doing modified you can still be sweating buckets which only proves that the real thing will get your body burning!

Today, was Cardio and I had just woken up from my 12+ hour sleep =3= (I have a night shift so...). When I pressed play, I decided, lets push myself today. Instead of just the modified moves, I alternated between the two. I would start with the normal move OR modification, after 15 seconds, switch (if I did the normal move, I would switch to modification IF I cant continue). So some jumps include the basic jumping jacks/rope, squat jumps, high knees, lung progression etc. By 15 minutes in, I was already sweating and feeling it in my legs. However, I continued forward and by the time I was done BAM 200 calories! After the 3 minute cool down, 100 squats and 20 dumb bell raises with 5lbs I was at 265 calories burned! Much better improvement than before.

Now that my "experiment" has been successful (I survived the workout), I'm gonna push myself harder for the remaining 3 weeks of Alpha. I want results! Thats my primary goal. I'm in a Focus T25 Facebook group where many people post their results etc, and T25 CAN get me to where I wanna be. Alpha round is literally just a stepping stone to the REAL thing.

I reviewed Beta, just a little peak to the workouts I'm going to be doing the middle of next month and WOW. Talk about crazy/intense. Thankfully,  there is also a modification version as well. So once Alpha is over with, I'll be performing Beta twice (1st round modification/2nd round hard core). By than, with the addition of my gym workouts with my best friend/zumba classes, I'll determine IF I will redo both Alpha and Beta again OR progress to Gamma (CRAZY INTENSE ROUND! Zero modification). I personally love Shaun T workouts, especially this one since its all centred on getting you results within a good time limit that ANYONE can incorporate in their schedule.  Im pretty busy person myself but 25 minutes....I can do that.

That's what has been going on with me! I'll update on Dec.1st or 2nd after my first gym workout at Goodlife Fitness with my best friend and any changes in my weight/measurements. Still been eating as healthy as I can (I need to go shopping, ran out of salad) with the occasional hangouts. Trying to choose healthier options when I go out with friends, so well see how this week goes (have 3 hangouts -__-).

Till Next Time...

Yumoyori <3~

Chapter 2: Week 1, Food Prep, Equipment, Workout Programs?

So yesterday, I decided that I would hop back on the workout wagon today (Sunday, Nov.9). When I went out, I bought 5lb weights :D (was so heavy carrying around the mall). I moved my Yoga mat in view and took my worse enemy, "The Scale" out from the storage room and put it in my mom room (the washroom has carpet so cant really put it there).

Women Size 8(left), 10 (center), 12 (right)

I weighed myself and I have ALOT to lose! My Goal Weight is 180lbs. I'm going to go more by the size of my pants most of the time since it is easier to determine how I want to look compared to the scale. Seeing as I'm +230 and still the same size as 2 years ago when I lost weight, hopefully I will be a much smaller size at 180lbs.
My goal pant size is 8-10. I think that's a good size for my body type and curves. I wouldn't want to go any lower than 6, so my range is 6-10 pant size atm. In the image on the left, I wouldn't mind to be a 10 or even a 12 :D. So currently I'm a size 16-18 in pants, and XL in the top area (thanks to my chest). So my goal is to be a size 8-10, and a M-L in chest/top area (lose about 2-4 pant sizes)

My current measurements are:

                                                    Bust: 44                    Thighs: 34.5 (L), 34(R)

                                                    Waist: 38                  Arms: 15.5 (L), 15.5 (R)

                                                    Hips: 56                    Calves: 21.5 (L), 21 (R)

My Calorie intake range with my activity at "lightly active" (may increase it to moderate now that I will be working out) will be between 1750-1950. I'm going to try and eat every 2-3 hours, and eat 3-4 main meals daily. Also IF I do go out with friends, I'll make healthier choices such as salads, noodles, etc compared to my normal chicken wings, junk food decisions. Also will cut down on the bubble tea.

I have 5 MONTH to lose 20-30lbs. Thats my first goal. I want to reach my 60lbs weight loss by my birthday in September (also going on vacation probably in August). So that give me at least 9-10 months. 

Workout Plan?

I have done many workout plans, however ever since finishing insanity, I haven't been able to finish a WHOLE program. So this time around, instead of losing motivation, I'm going to mix the workouts. 

Focus T25: 

This is going to be one of my PRIMARY workout. I personally like T25 cause its 25 minutes, there is a modifier (Tania) and you will get results regardless of going hardcore or doing modification. Even with modification, I will be dripping in sweat!!! So, I will stick with this and hopefully finish ALL of Alpha round before Beta. 

Jillian Michael's Workouts:
Now this workout program is a first for me. I will try to do this in conjunction of T25, or on alternating days of T25 (will make a schedule of my workout plan). My friend just started and has already lost an inch off her waist. It looks pretty cool and various workouts (also has a modifier) so I will attempt it :D

I'm thinking whether to purchase a copy with my Polar watch (on amazon, if I buy my polar watch which is $100, I get one of these DVD for 6 bucks or something. Also Free shipping). Still debating since I don't know much about this program. Ive heard good results from fitness pal so I'll look at the demo videos on Youtube and see if its worth the purchase.

Chalene Extreme: 

I have done this workout program before. I never really got to put my full 100% into this workout. I had a pair of weights but they were 10lbs with a metal bar and was indeed WAY to heavy for me. I really struggled doing the workouts, though I could feel the burn. Now that I've bought my 5lbs dumb bells, I actually have a good chance to do this workout in conjunction with the above. The normal schedule is usually 3 days a week so it can be implemented.

Zumba: 
I will be joining Goodlife Fitness next month (have to pay for my membership this month if I want to start next month) and they have Zumba classes!!! Ive done Zumba once (before my CRNE exam with my friend) and it was SO much fun. Talk about sweat!!! One hour and your drenched! Its also fun depending on the instructor and with music thats really in and popular. I wanna see what Goodlife classes has to offer and since its included in my membership, why not?

I don't need much equipment besides from my weights and yoga mat. Which makes it a lot easier compared to programs like P90x where you need ALOT more items which indeed cost money.

Overall, that's my general plan. I still need to work on a solid schedule to follow and my overall diet plan. I did do some Food Prep today, took about 2 hours, before eating dinner and taking a nap before my night shift, so I have enough food for about a week or 2, probably have to make more vegetables though since I want to eat more greens. Costco made my shopping a lot easier and cheaper as well. I will be writing what I eat instead of using fitness pal, and weigh myself every 2 weeks-1 month (probably more along the 1 month). My concern is measurements and inches! Thats going to get me to my goal size, not really the weight on the scale.

Starting My Workouts: Monday, November 10, 2014

Till Next Time...

Yumoyori <3~

Chapter 1: Body Image, Self Esteem, Sex & Society Exclusion of Plus Size Population (18+)

DOVE "Love Your Body Campaign"-> Doing it RIGHT

In all honesty, I never was planning to discuss this. However, do to circumstances and after talking with a few people and hearing certain discussions, I realized I need to get this off my chest cause it truthfully irritates me and at one point in time, I thought my way of thinking was considered "old fashion" or "wrong" in this year and age. So lets get into details (those who may think I'm referring to them in this post due to recent interaction can either take this as an eye opening of how others in "MY" position perceive such comments, or be mature about it...)

With ANY individual, male or female, Body image is a vital asset in our human nature and being as we mature and age. Such "image" is what shapes our personality, allows us either to grow and mature, or hide within ourselves, concealing the individuals and personalities we wish to project and expose to the world, to be embrace in a positive "open arm" manner. However, that for some people is merely a figment of imagination or "wishy" thinking as we slowly reach 2015.

As I've stated before in my previous blog. Ive been big all my life. Sure, I was in the norms when I was a kid to elementary but as you grow and puberty hits you in the face around 11-12, your body begins to grow and age, while your imperfections will begin to emerge and if you have the capabilities or confidence to change them you will, ONLY if YOU the individual truly want to change. Sure, I had been bullied, I wanted to change myself plenty of times, but was it really for ME or society?

Victoria Secret Model-> "Love your Body Campaign..."

This is a perfect example. Victoria Secret is one of the largest lingerie retailers in America. THIS is the ideal body image. Ive went into Victoria secret plenty of times. However, have I ever found anything really for "my" size... Nope

Many people have discussed whether this is healthy for the population especially teenagers to view and be inspired by? I agree, with such publicity and "unintentional" encouragement of how a female should be viewed and should present themselves in society is to be questioned. What's the primary concern? Is this body image what men want their women, their girlfriends, wives and daughters to be viewed as or is this new way of being considered "healthy". Here is a good example of what I believe is "sexy" or "healthy"

Jennifer Lawrence at a Size 6, 130lbs

Jennifer Lawrence has always been criticized for her weight. She is known as "obese in hollywood". She is a "fit" individual, who works out (If your in Hunger games....well the odds are defiantly in her favour cause she KNOWS how to run) eats whatever she wants (she LOVES food) and is a surprising size 6. She has curves, nice set of thighs, and is very happy with her weight. As she states

"I'm never going to starve myself for a part...I don't want little girls to be like 'OH, I want to look like Katniss, so I'm going to skip dinner'. Thats something i was really conscious of during training, when your trying to get your body to look exactly right. I was trying to get my body to look FIT and STRONG, not thin and underfed"- Jennifer L

This is one reason why so many individuals love and support Jennifer, I included. She has been criticized so many times for her weight, but she has defended her body image, again and again, and is still trying to show that having a few curves IS sexy and not just ugly or not fit for society.

Now, why am I writing this section as my first Chapter with no intention of doing so before?

I chill with a lot of people, boys, girls, men, women, and Im very open minded. My way of thinking is that everyone is beautiful. Whether with makeup or without, being skinny or being curvy, even if your obese you still have qualities that make you different and unique and will attract people. Everyone has a essence of themselves that will project to another individual and produce a positive reaction. No one can be denied love just because of body image. However, certain people aren't on the open minded train.

Beyonce -> Curves, Hourglass Shape at a Size 8, 135lbs

Apparently, to be viewed as an individual or basically be "sexy, attractive, hot or mature" in many individuals frame of reference, you must be skinny, have a sexy appearance, be given a more natural beauty, and look "well taken care of". Of course that is to be considered a OPTION, or candidate for further investigation and interaction. One must not only possess the figure with assets including a nice pair of boobs (can be big or small) and the tight "I do squats" ass, but must be open to many pleasurable activities and interactions with the opposite or same sex. To be reviewed and critiqued is categorized as Base 1 and to be considered for Base 2 is followed by interaction or what I call the "Survey" phase. Stage 2 than gives you the confirmation that you are indeed, a potential candidate and thus you should be proud you fit the category of "sexy". Now your asked a series of questions which will determine IF you are eligible to be considered a "friend" or "friend with benefit". With such interaction, do not consider yourself being a potential for a "relationship" since thats not the point of most interactions with individuals with such view points. Its either a Win-Lose or Win-Win situation. Finally, Base 3, which is the "Hit, Miss or Dump" phase. This is the final stage where you either Hit (have sex, get into a relationship), Miss (Deny sex or want more than friends with benefits) or Dump (you couldn't meet A/B requirements thus your useless to this society). THIS is what pissed me off.

Ive heard about this type of "view" point numerous of times in the last 3 months and now hearing it yet AGAIN, just made me snap. This is how society views people? I have been in ONE relationship. Why? Because of people like this! I dated a guy who didn't have the looks (as I stated it didn't matter to me since I cant put myself in the Im fuckin Gorgeous category just yet) but all he wanted was Sex. Not me for my looks, personality, nothing like that. JUST FOR SEX. Of course, I wouldn't lower myself to being used and dumped and I stand by that view point even today. What benefit would that give me? This goes the same with now. To think people, even as we approach 2015, ONLY care about body image and sex? People will leave their families or loved ones to obtain this unachievable item called "Freedom" so they can Bang anyone they want without having to be responsible or feel regret of using yet another person. Also to think, males and female lower themselves to such behaviour? As some people like to refer the people they "fucked" as...

"They're just past girls you know? Nothing special"

Sorry, but even Christian Grey from Fifty Shades manned up and settled down with ONE girl -3-

After reviewing such circumstances over the last couple of weeks, I debated in my mind whether to write this. People will either look at their own circumstances and review this negatively, back lashing at me or what not, or they will actually review this and see how people in my circumstance feel. After a conversation with someone, I honestly thought "wow...I'm not good enough for society. Im a plus size individual who of course is losing weight not ONLY to look good but to be HEALTHY for myself and future self, who wants to be surrounded by people who respect women and themselves, and I want to meet a man who wants me not for JUST sex but the real ME! My personality, my looks, my strengths and weakness, my imperfections, my purity, and my success". I want to surround myself with people who want to reach success through interactions, communication, goal setting, dreams and encouragement to reach out and live life. Is that really bad to want in this time and age?

Sure, Sex is inevitable thing. Its going to happen regardless. However, I guess no one wants to wait for that right person, or to share that experience with someone who accepts you whole heartedly as a person, a human, a contribution to this world functions and growth. Regardless whether that is your soul mate, or eventually if things don't work out between one another, I want to share such intimacy with someone who acknowledges me whole heartedly.

Overall, this is a Chapter for me to realize my potential and how to increase my self esteem. Im a plus size lady, too bad so sad. But my true pet peeve is when people rub in my imperfection and how I don't fit into society classic "skinny" category thus making me unattractive, unloveable, or unworthy of sexual pleasures or interactions. By rubbing it in, I mean comparing you (UNINTENTIONALLY, of course) to others around you, pointing out their good qualities and how they can attract anyone, leaving you out of the equation since your not good enough to be mentioned. I want people to realize the mature individuals are those who don't care of such things. Who are focusing on better aspects in life as a career, finance, saving money for a family, a future, vacations and travelling, learning and discovering new things and way of life, and embracing love and sex as a part of growth in one self and their partner.

This is my little rant of the night. Defiantly a unexpected long post but I finally got it off my chest. As I stated in the begin, Im not trying to offend anyone, however, I believe more than just myself feels this way regardless of you being big or small. Thanks for reading <3

*Special thanks to Lina and Jenny for listening to my excessive rants and motivating me to love myself xoxoxoxox

Yumoyori <3~

Prologue: The Bigger, The Harder...

First Year of Nursing in 2009

 Here My Story so far....

Ive been a big girl basically my whole life. Truthfully when I was small, I wasn't those huge chubby kids who ate crazy amounts of food etc but probably in elementary school, I could defiantly say I was bigger than many people in my class. Ive always had a smaller upper half of my body, and development in the lovely "chest" or "boob" department doesn't hurt anyone ;D. However, I realized I did have bigger thighs and legs ever since Gr. 6?

Ive been bullied my whole life cause of my weight. When I was in elementary school, I got picked on for being bigger than everyone else in my class (or more like the girls in my class). I went to a small school, so by the time we reached grade 8, and most of my close best friends had to transfer schools, there was only 6 girls left in our class, and of course me being the "bigger" girl out of all of them. Sure, I knew my thighs were big. But being name called and given the nickname "Mythighst" (a way of saying I had gigantic thighs) didn't help at all. At that time I realized it couldn't be helped because it was clearly my genetics.

My mom was big, her highest weight being size 28 in pants (or to make it easier 3-4XL) and she was proud of her size and rocked her clothing like no other. Also in our culture, being big with curves and all was a beautiful asset to have. It showed that you had food to eat, were financial stable, and came from a stable family. Also, men were interested in bigger women with curves and a nice booty. So I thought to myself, size shouldn't matter? However, that clearly was only an excuse to allow me to hide the pain and hurt I always felt. 

High school wasn't as bad. I have to admit at the time, I was surrounded by decent friends who didn't judge me by my weight. That Summer I worked HARD, went to the gym everyday for a month, but since I didn't see results I gave up and went back to the computer, playing video games all day routine to ignore my failure. I was indeed insecure of my weight, but I let myself go especially in grade 12, eating cafe food everyday for breakfast and sometimes lunch, trying to use food as my comfort. 

University began, and I started my Nursing Program. I realized I was indeed "big" than many of my classmates, but everyone was mature, kind and no one really bothered me with my weight or bully me. As, I continued my nursing program, I started to be very self conscious of my weight, and realized I was getting REALLY big. I was about close to 270lbs and was leaning towards size 20-24 pant range. Though I've always had a higher weight even when I was a smaller figure, I realized if I wasn't careful I would become my mom size or bigger. 

Second Year of Nursing 2011

What really motivated me was when I started getting bullied at my workplace. I started working with Cineplex in May 2011. A person in my hire group started to bully me. First it was very little commentary, but soon it came to every shift having to comment about my weight 

"Omg, your like an elephant, your whole butt is blocking my way" 

" You, going to the gym? Why? Your only gonna get bulky and wont lose anything" 

"Man, your bigger than me. How are your thighs THAT big"

At that point, I had enough. So during that Summer I started Insanity. The first two months (June-July) I started walking, usually 30mins -1.5 hour walks everyday. I loved walking cause I could clear my mind, imagine about the future, and listen to music while trying to be healthy. Than I began Insanity and the weight started to drop. I had dropped down to 219lbs (my starting weight after walking for 2 months was 242lbs) and went down from my highest size being 24 pants to a pair of 16's. When I had returned to work after about a month of giving away shifts due to school and getting use to the system, this coworker was shocked.

At my LOWEST weight of 213lbs in size 14 jeans

I had changed my hair, I was wearing clothing that were on my body, than my usual baggy clothing, and I FELT good!!! I was proud of myself! He was literally speechless. Many of my coworkers didn't recognize me at first glance. He even asked me to let him borrow Insanity so he could lose a few lbs. My managers had discovered what had been happening and were really pissed that I resorted to working out and changing my appearance over this guy who also wasn't no size small-medium. He eventually quit due to my managers finding out and wanting to take action. 

I continued working out during my remaining 2 years at Nursing and though my lowest weight was 213lbs in which I did plateau and gained some weight, my appearance at least stayed the same. I felt more confident, I felt happier, I actually wore a dress for both my graduation party and at a graduation celebration. 

Me at our Nursing Graduation Party as a Host

Left: Me at our Nursing celebration in 2nd year of Nursing in 2011
Right: Me after graduating Nursing Program in 2013

I actually thought I would be able to get down to the low 200's maybe even reach the 190s by the time once I completed my nursing degree, graduated and became a nurse. That was my goal but life took a unexpected turn. With my program comes the licensing exam. 

I had failed my first attempt with my nursing exam. At first it was hard, but I was accepting of it, realizing that the exam was hard and my first try. Sure it would have been nice if I passed but hey, life hits you sometimes. So I restudied and concentrated on doing well. I had support from my close friends and my mom was there for me 100% so I didn't really fall to behind in my workouts. I did gain on the scale but nothing to significant. I still looked the same so I had no worries. 

In October, I rewrote the exam. Now I was confident! The exam wasn't hard for me, many of the previous questions were there, and well I KNEW I had done well. I had a job interview with NYGH one of the hospitals near my house where I always thought I would one day work at and life was really good. I felt my struggle would finally be over, I can accomplish my first goal to becoming a nurse, and really dedicate myself to getting my dream body. 

My Interview Attire for NYGH: Confident as Ever

However, once again Life didn't want me to have the easy way. I failed my exam, yet AGAIN, and this time by 1 question. This, indeed took a toll on me. Sure, Ive had my share of depression but this really impacted me hard. I felt like a failure, that I let my friend and Mom down. I've been a 80-90 grade girl, who was known to be those  "smart" kids all throughout my nursing program. I never really struggled with many subjects and I worked hard to accomplish what I wanted. So for me to be so close to achieving this goal, to becoming a Nurse which was my dream career, and being denied that chance a second time did a great deal of damage on me, both physically and emotionally.

The hardest part was for me to convince everyone I was okay. Im truthfully a very happy individual, love talking and interacting with people, so for me to cover up and saying I was fine was the hardest thing to do in my life. I tried to be motivated and workout but my motivation slowly left, and once again food was my comfort. I continued to gain on the scale and though I thankfully was still a size 16 (tight but hey they fit).

I took my last chance in February. That was the most hardest exams I had ever written in all my years of schooling. This time I knew, it was over, I must have failed, and I cried everyday after that exam, depression taking its toll on me, and realized my dream was not going to be accomplished. However, God was on my side and thanks to my guardian angels, I PASSED! That called for CELEBRATION!

After such trials in my life, I had quit cineplex and worked at Hero burger for 5 months. As much as I wanted to workout and get fit now that the exam was out of the way, the environment I was in at work was horrible. I worked 6-7 days a week, with no microwave at the workplace, so bringing food was impossible, and with all "healthy" restaurant to far or expensive, all I ate and could afford was burgers, poutines and more JUNK FOOD. I thought to myself "Why workout when your diet was shit?"

By July, I finally landed myself a Nursing Job thanks to my dearest friend Lina (HI LINA <3). Thanks to her and my references, I got the job!. Finally a career job. I decided once I settled into my job, I could FINALLY focus on myself! It was really difficult to adjust to my job, scheduling was taking a while to getting use too, and determining whether I would be permanent days or permanent nights was still undecided. However, being the end of October, my schedule has been made to nights and now I can start focusing on myself!

Current Me: Size 16-18, L-XL top 

2009 Me: Size 20-24 pants, XXL top

So, this is my story. I realize I can do a lot better and I know my weight is one area that is holding me back. Now I have many inspirational people in my life, people who want me to be Happy, be myself and want me to accomplish all my goals, this one being now a priority.

Ive achieved securing my Career and a stable job. Now its time for me to get the body I truly want. I'm signing up for GoodLife Fitness next month, ordering some workout gear, and going to buy some weights. My workout videos are ready and schedule is set. I start in November. This blog will be my story to encourage others that no matter how many times you fall, just gotta brush the dirty off and try again.

Thanks for Reading <3 Till next time...

Yumoyori <3~